Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
