do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Let's get the cat blown out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
as a side note pls kill me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
