And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
