Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
