cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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