i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
