he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
