"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
