I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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