My Higher Power is John Stamos
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
