i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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