Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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