I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
