he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
