all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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