i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
