You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
