Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
