Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
