sarcasm needs its own font
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
