A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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