her vagine was all disorganized.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
