I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
