Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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