epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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