shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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