you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
