we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
