I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
