Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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