You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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