a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
sarcasm needs its own font
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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