hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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