we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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