Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
