i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
