I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
