In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
