just tell him i said nine months
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
