I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
