Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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