Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
