It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
