East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
