He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
