turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
