Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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