You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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