i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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