There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
