So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
