you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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