i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
