if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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