I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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