3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have demons in me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
