I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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